Saturday, May 27, 2006
End of an Era
You realise you have grown up when you've decided to list your entire collection of The Smiths imports and memorabilia to help add money to fund an adoption.
My 14 year old self would beat the shit out of me if she knew....
You realise you have grown up when you've decided to list your entire collection of The Smiths imports and memorabilia to help add money to fund an adoption.
My 14 year old self would beat the shit out of me if she knew....
Friday, May 19, 2006
Shift It
So, how does one go about learning to drive a stick shift?
I mean, I'd like to have options should I ever, say, need to buy a car. Or if I'm ever a contestant on Amazing Race.
My first idea is to rent a car with manual transmission, opt for all the insurance in the world, and go to town. Very slowly. While burning the clutch out.
But there must be another option? Driving school? Just me and a bunch of 15 year olds with a lerners permit and a need to go to the mall.
Help!
So, how does one go about learning to drive a stick shift?
I mean, I'd like to have options should I ever, say, need to buy a car. Or if I'm ever a contestant on Amazing Race.
My first idea is to rent a car with manual transmission, opt for all the insurance in the world, and go to town. Very slowly. While burning the clutch out.
But there must be another option? Driving school? Just me and a bunch of 15 year olds with a lerners permit and a need to go to the mall.
Help!
Monday, May 15, 2006
McTvshow
Dear gray's Anatomy
Thank you for being such an awesome show. And for making me cry so so so much. So much that it freaked my dog out and he jumped off the sofa.
Love,
Stephanie
Dear gray's Anatomy
Thank you for being such an awesome show. And for making me cry so so so much. So much that it freaked my dog out and he jumped off the sofa.
Love,
Stephanie
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
It's the little things
Over the last year of my research to adopt a child, I am often rubbed the wrong way by things I've come across in an agency's information packet or website.
I came across an agency that does African adoptions and found this in their FAQ's:
------------
Are the children healthy?
Some are, some aren't, most are. Children with much wrong, including diarrhea, often die in Africa. Medicine is often not available or affordable. Orphans who have medical problems often have heart problems, have been blinded, a few have polio, some have TB, some have Malaria, some test Hepotitis B+, but there aren't many; the sick children become God's Angels!
-----------
It's that exclamation point at the end of the last sentence. Like, somehow, dead orphaned children who didn't get medical care or a perminant home in time are somehow something to be excited about. Like somehow it's a perfectly acceptable outcome. Those that know me know I'm pretty devout in my Jewish faith and even I would never tell someone who's lost a loved one "Hey! It's ok. They're with g-d now! PARTAY!"
Over the last year of my research to adopt a child, I am often rubbed the wrong way by things I've come across in an agency's information packet or website.
I came across an agency that does African adoptions and found this in their FAQ's:
------------
Are the children healthy?
Some are, some aren't, most are. Children with much wrong, including diarrhea, often die in Africa. Medicine is often not available or affordable. Orphans who have medical problems often have heart problems, have been blinded, a few have polio, some have TB, some have Malaria, some test Hepotitis B+, but there aren't many; the sick children become God's Angels!
-----------
It's that exclamation point at the end of the last sentence. Like, somehow, dead orphaned children who didn't get medical care or a perminant home in time are somehow something to be excited about. Like somehow it's a perfectly acceptable outcome. Those that know me know I'm pretty devout in my Jewish faith and even I would never tell someone who's lost a loved one "Hey! It's ok. They're with g-d now! PARTAY!"
Friday, May 05, 2006
Help MEEEEE
So, I'm cleaning my kitchen (yes, at 9 on a friday) and I end up spraying a little (read: a lot) Hot Shot Kitchen Bug Spray of Death because somehow I've got some little fruit flies that like to congregate in my kitchen (and no, I dont have any bowls of fruit out in the open. Have you seen me? Do I look like I eat healthy? The closest I've come to fruit lately is a margarita).
So, the thing I love about this spray is that if I spray up at the light, about 15 minutes later, the little flys fall to earth slowly, sorta drifting like a leaf. And its kinda cool to watch.
But, apparently I also killed the King of the Flies (not to be confused with the Lord of the Flies who is not to be confused with the Lord of the Dance) because just now, I heard this loud hum/buzz, key of D if my hearing is correct.
And when I say "loud" I mean "is a plane landing in my kitchen?"
So, I slowly walked into my kitchen, fearful that the raccoon from last night has decided to disguise itself and lure me to my death by making me think it was a fly. The humming was coming from around the area of my microwave.
Apparently, the King was sorta half dead and stuck in the plastic produce bag that was on top of my microwave.
Problem is, although the bag was vibrating when I touched it, and the hum was loudest when i put my ear next to it, I could see no crown adorned fly. In fact, no regular fly.
So I did the only thing I could think of.
I put the bag in the trashcan in the pantry. Not so much to help it to its death but just because Trading Spaces was about to come on and you know how much momma doesnt like it when you disturb her programs.
I hope to shit I didnt just throw away Jeff Goldblum
So, I'm cleaning my kitchen (yes, at 9 on a friday) and I end up spraying a little (read: a lot) Hot Shot Kitchen Bug Spray of Death because somehow I've got some little fruit flies that like to congregate in my kitchen (and no, I dont have any bowls of fruit out in the open. Have you seen me? Do I look like I eat healthy? The closest I've come to fruit lately is a margarita).
So, the thing I love about this spray is that if I spray up at the light, about 15 minutes later, the little flys fall to earth slowly, sorta drifting like a leaf. And its kinda cool to watch.
But, apparently I also killed the King of the Flies (not to be confused with the Lord of the Flies who is not to be confused with the Lord of the Dance) because just now, I heard this loud hum/buzz, key of D if my hearing is correct.
And when I say "loud" I mean "is a plane landing in my kitchen?"
So, I slowly walked into my kitchen, fearful that the raccoon from last night has decided to disguise itself and lure me to my death by making me think it was a fly. The humming was coming from around the area of my microwave.
Apparently, the King was sorta half dead and stuck in the plastic produce bag that was on top of my microwave.
Problem is, although the bag was vibrating when I touched it, and the hum was loudest when i put my ear next to it, I could see no crown adorned fly. In fact, no regular fly.
So I did the only thing I could think of.
I put the bag in the trashcan in the pantry. Not so much to help it to its death but just because Trading Spaces was about to come on and you know how much momma doesnt like it when you disturb her programs.
I hope to shit I didnt just throw away Jeff Goldblum
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Nocturnal much?
Is it bad if there is a racoon on my back patio, eating raisins out of the trash?
at 6pm?
When it is still light out?
Is this some sort of uber, mutant racoon with superhum...i mean..raccoon powers? Who's out to kill me? And maybe his powers run off HEB brand golden raisins. And the blood of 27 year old jewish girls.
Is it bad if there is a racoon on my back patio, eating raisins out of the trash?
at 6pm?
When it is still light out?
Is this some sort of uber, mutant racoon with superhum...i mean..raccoon powers? Who's out to kill me? And maybe his powers run off HEB brand golden raisins. And the blood of 27 year old jewish girls.
Monday, May 01, 2006
Its a talkin' picture box!
Is $40 too much just to have the pleasure of watching Mythbusters, Good Eats and Spongebob Squarepants?
I went a little crazy when I ordered cable internet for my house. I also opted for cable TV. I haven't had cable since October. See, I convinced myself that with netflix, I didnt NEED cable.
But now, anytime I am at someone elses house, or at a hotel, I can't help but sit and watch cable. My dear dear tv--Teacher, Mother, Secret Lover. I actually made someone some banana nut pancakes just so I could stay around and watch some shit on Discovery.
So, they are coming back out today to hook up the tv part of my cable package. And I in an attempt to prepare myself, I looked through the tv guide listings to find out what wonderfulness would await me as I curled up on my couch this evening.
COMPLETE CRAP, that's what.
My best option is the shitty movie based on Bobbie Gentry's song "Ode to Billy Joe".
Maybe someone needs to show me how to hook up cable for free as it seems I only like the stuff when I'm not paying for it.
Is $40 too much just to have the pleasure of watching Mythbusters, Good Eats and Spongebob Squarepants?
I went a little crazy when I ordered cable internet for my house. I also opted for cable TV. I haven't had cable since October. See, I convinced myself that with netflix, I didnt NEED cable.
But now, anytime I am at someone elses house, or at a hotel, I can't help but sit and watch cable. My dear dear tv--Teacher, Mother, Secret Lover. I actually made someone some banana nut pancakes just so I could stay around and watch some shit on Discovery.
So, they are coming back out today to hook up the tv part of my cable package. And I in an attempt to prepare myself, I looked through the tv guide listings to find out what wonderfulness would await me as I curled up on my couch this evening.
COMPLETE CRAP, that's what.
My best option is the shitty movie based on Bobbie Gentry's song "Ode to Billy Joe".
Maybe someone needs to show me how to hook up cable for free as it seems I only like the stuff when I'm not paying for it.