Tuesday, April 25, 2006
I hope you all are fat
I never really thought I'd ever be THAT person.
The sort of person who freaks right the fuck out at the thought of a high school reunion.
ME worry that my former classmates will notice my bling came from Target? ME worry that there wont be enough girls who are less pretty than I? ME worry that people will respond to me with "Oh. Divorced. And you couldn't afford electricity for 2 months last year? We expected so much more. I think I should go get more punch".
But sure enough, I get that noice and first thing I think is "DIET!". I have become normal.
But my big worry? The date. Really, what says "spinster" more than a divorced girl who lives in a house with 3 cats who shows up to her reunion alone.
And lets throw in that the runion is my birthday weekend.
And not going is not an option. I was not one of those people who absolutely hated high school. I was not a "popular" kid, but people knew who I was as I was the goto girl for all your term paper and hall pass needs. There are people from my school I really would like to see again. Some for reasons other than to see if they got really fat (and yes, I see the absurdity in my statement).
So, I need a date. And a good date at that. Doesn't have to be a romantic date. Just someone. Who'll lie for me. Who'll nod their head when I tell people I am a contributor to the New York Times.
I'm so glad they're having this thing at a bar.
I never really thought I'd ever be THAT person.
The sort of person who freaks right the fuck out at the thought of a high school reunion.
ME worry that my former classmates will notice my bling came from Target? ME worry that there wont be enough girls who are less pretty than I? ME worry that people will respond to me with "Oh. Divorced. And you couldn't afford electricity for 2 months last year? We expected so much more. I think I should go get more punch".
But sure enough, I get that noice and first thing I think is "DIET!". I have become normal.
But my big worry? The date. Really, what says "spinster" more than a divorced girl who lives in a house with 3 cats who shows up to her reunion alone.
And lets throw in that the runion is my birthday weekend.
And not going is not an option. I was not one of those people who absolutely hated high school. I was not a "popular" kid, but people knew who I was as I was the goto girl for all your term paper and hall pass needs. There are people from my school I really would like to see again. Some for reasons other than to see if they got really fat (and yes, I see the absurdity in my statement).
So, I need a date. And a good date at that. Doesn't have to be a romantic date. Just someone. Who'll lie for me. Who'll nod their head when I tell people I am a contributor to the New York Times.
I'm so glad they're having this thing at a bar.
Comments:
Great post. I don't know whether to be sad that you don't have a date or not. I mean, believe you me, you can play up the single-loving-life card and married women with children may swoon with envy. You just have to highlight the parts about the freedom and lack of dirty diapers and how you can't even keep a count of the many men who come through your door, much less choose one of them to invite to such an event.
Post a Comment
<< Home