Friday, December 30, 2005
Frickin Frackin Journal
You know what upsets me?
When I can't find a journal entry I am looking for. I KNOW I wrote it. But fuck if I know where it is.
Also, someone here is playing some "learn to speak hebrew" thing on their computer.
You know what upsets me?
When I can't find a journal entry I am looking for. I KNOW I wrote it. But fuck if I know where it is.
Also, someone here is playing some "learn to speak hebrew" thing on their computer.
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Hey! I think there's light in that there tunnel
1) I have a vehicle
2) I am back to square 1 on electricity. I will rejoin ya'll in the 21st century eventually
3) last night, the lady I babysit for told me its her work's holiday party on wednesday and could I babysit. "Sure" I respond, totally forgetting that means I can't watch the big game out somewhere and will have to explain to a 3 year old that ut football is really just a scooby-doo video in disguise.
1) I have a vehicle
2) I am back to square 1 on electricity. I will rejoin ya'll in the 21st century eventually
3) last night, the lady I babysit for told me its her work's holiday party on wednesday and could I babysit. "Sure" I respond, totally forgetting that means I can't watch the big game out somewhere and will have to explain to a 3 year old that ut football is really just a scooby-doo video in disguise.
Monday, December 26, 2005
End of the line
Camel's back?
Officially broken.
I lost my vehicle's transmission sometime around 2pm in an attempt to come home to nap and snuggle with my animals.
With that transmission, I temporarily lost my sanity. You know me. I'm not really a depressive, irrational person but for awhile, I was no longer me and had become someone who had no light at the end of her tunnel and all her silver linings had tarnished.
I pushed my car onto a side street, boarded the #20 bus and walked the 1/4 mile from the buss stop to my home while exchanging text messages with my friend Justin
I sat and cried until my eyes could no longer produce tears.
I called Justin because, fuck, everyone else I called wasn't answering and if I did not hear another human voice at that moment...well....I don't even want to finish that sentence.
I brushed my hair, put on some lipstick and made it down to the bus stop to go downtown for our SgAustin xmas thing. A few hours of something other than me and my thoughts would do me good.
I wish I felt more like writing about it because it was an amazing night. It was like my own personal "This Is Your Life" done in some dive bar. Plus, someone trying to get me to join their improv troupe. It was what I needed. Didn't completely fill the hole in my heart, but it put a nice little patch on it.
Came home around 3 or 4 in the morning. Slept til 1. Decided to come downtown to clear my head and get some fresh air.
As I was leaving my block, two of the little kids who always ask to play with Truck stopped me.
"Where ya goin?"
"I'm gonna go catch the bus"
"Why?"
"My car broke down"
"Oh. I got a bike for Christmas. Wanna see me ride it?"
I took 20 minutes to watch this 5 year old boy ride around, legs pumping, up and down my street. Small patches. Its always small things that make me heal.
got on the #20 again. I sat down and prayed. I am a praying person.
A woman stopped me.
"Are you praying?"
"yes"
"what are you asking god for?"
"Just to make it"
"sometimes I ask him for that too"
Small patches.
And, so, here I am. Drinking ice tea outside, as the unseasonable Texas warmth beats on my face.
Do I know how I am going to get out of this? No. I just know that somehow I will. Because I have to.
Camel's back?
Officially broken.
I lost my vehicle's transmission sometime around 2pm in an attempt to come home to nap and snuggle with my animals.
With that transmission, I temporarily lost my sanity. You know me. I'm not really a depressive, irrational person but for awhile, I was no longer me and had become someone who had no light at the end of her tunnel and all her silver linings had tarnished.
I pushed my car onto a side street, boarded the #20 bus and walked the 1/4 mile from the buss stop to my home while exchanging text messages with my friend Justin
I sat and cried until my eyes could no longer produce tears.
I called Justin because, fuck, everyone else I called wasn't answering and if I did not hear another human voice at that moment...well....I don't even want to finish that sentence.
I brushed my hair, put on some lipstick and made it down to the bus stop to go downtown for our SgAustin xmas thing. A few hours of something other than me and my thoughts would do me good.
I wish I felt more like writing about it because it was an amazing night. It was like my own personal "This Is Your Life" done in some dive bar. Plus, someone trying to get me to join their improv troupe. It was what I needed. Didn't completely fill the hole in my heart, but it put a nice little patch on it.
Came home around 3 or 4 in the morning. Slept til 1. Decided to come downtown to clear my head and get some fresh air.
As I was leaving my block, two of the little kids who always ask to play with Truck stopped me.
"Where ya goin?"
"I'm gonna go catch the bus"
"Why?"
"My car broke down"
"Oh. I got a bike for Christmas. Wanna see me ride it?"
I took 20 minutes to watch this 5 year old boy ride around, legs pumping, up and down my street. Small patches. Its always small things that make me heal.
got on the #20 again. I sat down and prayed. I am a praying person.
A woman stopped me.
"Are you praying?"
"yes"
"what are you asking god for?"
"Just to make it"
"sometimes I ask him for that too"
Small patches.
And, so, here I am. Drinking ice tea outside, as the unseasonable Texas warmth beats on my face.
Do I know how I am going to get out of this? No. I just know that somehow I will. Because I have to.
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Stranger in a Strange Land
My family?
CUH-RAZY!
My grandmother and my aunt are pretty ok. And my uncle gary's kids are cool (theyre ...shit....15 now? 14? 15? either way, it means I'm old).
Everyone else?
CUH-RAZY!
Man, there was drama before we even got there.
See, there's this friend of the family who's staying with my grandmother (oh, did I mention that my family, while being crazy, also all live with another member of the family? My uncle gary lives with my aunt terri. My cousin, Tommy, lives with my grandmother. My cousin Nicole (who's only like 22) lives with her husband, their 2 kids, and his parents. ). My dad doesn't like this guy because of some bad business dealings they had and so I had to go to my grandmother's in order to "alert" her that my dad was on the way so we could get that guy out of the house and then call my dad to say he could come over and didn't have to sit at Jack in the Box anymore.
DRAMA!
But, all in all, it wasn't too bad. Ate too much. Didn't drink an ounce (trust me, the 6 pack of cider and the 2 lone stars from Friday night were more than enough for a while, thanks).
And I realised that I have become this sort of legend in my family. Like I'm some far removed person who comes back once or twice a year to dish out tales of big city, modern life where people get tattooed by people with actual tattoo equipment and there is more to listen to than Slayer and how people don't really go to "raves" anymore and we have all our teeth and yes, people can be 27 and own their own house and adopt babies from far off countries. And furthermore, I can be a girl and can answer with no sadness that "no, I do not have a man" and then explain to them that its by choice when they say "aww...well, you'll find someone.."
I know it sounds so egotistical but seriously. There was a point where my cousin Tommy, his 2 friends, my cousin Mikey (one of the 15 year olds who I still have hope for) and Nicole's husband kept asking me questions about if I knew this band and if I knew someone in Austin who did piercings and how big is my house and am I rich (hahah!) and so on and so forth. Sorta sad. Sorta creepy. Sorta want to expect from my family...
My family?
CUH-RAZY!
My grandmother and my aunt are pretty ok. And my uncle gary's kids are cool (theyre ...shit....15 now? 14? 15? either way, it means I'm old).
Everyone else?
CUH-RAZY!
Man, there was drama before we even got there.
See, there's this friend of the family who's staying with my grandmother (oh, did I mention that my family, while being crazy, also all live with another member of the family? My uncle gary lives with my aunt terri. My cousin, Tommy, lives with my grandmother. My cousin Nicole (who's only like 22) lives with her husband, their 2 kids, and his parents. ). My dad doesn't like this guy because of some bad business dealings they had and so I had to go to my grandmother's in order to "alert" her that my dad was on the way so we could get that guy out of the house and then call my dad to say he could come over and didn't have to sit at Jack in the Box anymore.
DRAMA!
But, all in all, it wasn't too bad. Ate too much. Didn't drink an ounce (trust me, the 6 pack of cider and the 2 lone stars from Friday night were more than enough for a while, thanks).
And I realised that I have become this sort of legend in my family. Like I'm some far removed person who comes back once or twice a year to dish out tales of big city, modern life where people get tattooed by people with actual tattoo equipment and there is more to listen to than Slayer and how people don't really go to "raves" anymore and we have all our teeth and yes, people can be 27 and own their own house and adopt babies from far off countries. And furthermore, I can be a girl and can answer with no sadness that "no, I do not have a man" and then explain to them that its by choice when they say "aww...well, you'll find someone.."
I know it sounds so egotistical but seriously. There was a point where my cousin Tommy, his 2 friends, my cousin Mikey (one of the 15 year olds who I still have hope for) and Nicole's husband kept asking me questions about if I knew this band and if I knew someone in Austin who did piercings and how big is my house and am I rich (hahah!) and so on and so forth. Sorta sad. Sorta creepy. Sorta want to expect from my family...
Saturday, December 24, 2005
New Years Resolutions
Blue Valentine's new year resolutions for 2006:
1. Do not sleep with ex boyfriends
2. Do not sleep with other people's boyfriends
3. When one and 2 happen to be the same situation, just....yeah....
Blue Valentine's new year resolutions for 2006:
1. Do not sleep with ex boyfriends
2. Do not sleep with other people's boyfriends
3. When one and 2 happen to be the same situation, just....yeah....
Friday, December 23, 2005
When religions collide
So, yeah, I didn't win the lottery.
There goes that house I was going to buy each and every one of you.
So, tonight we're going to go ooh and ahh at christmas lights and tomorrow, Cheryl and I are driving to San Antonio to spend xmas eve with my dad's side of the family. Pray that we don't get sucked into the white trash vortex that will be my holidays.
We'll be back for xmas day, just in time for jew food and karaoke, just like Jesus would have wanted it.
So, yeah, I didn't win the lottery.
There goes that house I was going to buy each and every one of you.
So, tonight we're going to go ooh and ahh at christmas lights and tomorrow, Cheryl and I are driving to San Antonio to spend xmas eve with my dad's side of the family. Pray that we don't get sucked into the white trash vortex that will be my holidays.
We'll be back for xmas day, just in time for jew food and karaoke, just like Jesus would have wanted it.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
To-do
So, to do list for the day:
Stop by and let my friend's dog out
Run to the bank
Run to the post office
come home and clean
try not to be eaten by mice
win the lottery
Yeah. I figure tonight is my night.
So, to do list for the day:
Stop by and let my friend's dog out
Run to the bank
Run to the post office
come home and clean
try not to be eaten by mice
win the lottery
Yeah. I figure tonight is my night.
Monday, December 19, 2005
BlueValentine vs The Thing That Wouldn't Die or How Secret of Nimh Taught me Nothing
Picture it.
Monday. 1:44am. Your heroine suddenly awakes to what sounds like a horrid "screeeech".
Then. Silence. Maybe it was a dream.
And you hear the cat digging through those bags you had by the front door.
And then again: "SCREEEEEEEEECH"
And you SCREAM. LIKE A GIRL. LIKE A GIRL WHO'S AWAKE AT 1:44 IN THE MORNING BECAUSE THERE IS SOME RODENT IN THE HOUSE.
That's right.
It's dark
And things are being tortured in your house.
You do the only thing you can think of.
You call your ex husband because FUCK, YA'LL! There is a fucking RODENT in the house.
"Hey, this is going to seem like a completely insane question and I know you're going to think I'm dumb but I think there is a mouse in the house and how do I get it?"
"Uhh...Dewey"
"Yeah, Uh...I think he got it already"
(sounds of dog barking)
"Is Truck barking at it?"
"I don't know what's going on. I don't know if he's barking at it or at dewey or what"
(turns on flashlight)
"oh fuck, Dewey has it in its mouth" (trust me, going from sitting in the dark on the phone, just thinking of some mouse in your house to actually seeing your cat with a sizeable creature in its mouth is really really disturbing)
"maybe get dewey to take it outside"
(Cat drops the mouse, causing both the mouse and dewey's owner to scream)
"Fuck this, Jim. I'm going upstairs, closing the door, and I'll deal with this in the morning".
Yes. Avoidance. That is what I am good at.
So I left my 3 killing machines downstairs and took the dog upstairs to my bedroom and shut the door behind me. At least that way the cat wouldn't be able to bring a half dead mouse onto my bed.
I woke at 9am and slowly tiptoed downstairs.
Every step I took, I made sure to survey the area for dead animals or, worse, live ones that were not supposed to be there.
And as I started down the second half of my staircase, there I saw the dead...mouse? rat? how do you know which is which? lying in the middle of my living room.
I called the ex again.
"So, yeah, dewey killed it"
"Thats my boy!"
"yeah, great. So, what do I do"
"You throw it out"
"yeah, but how do I do that without, ya know, coming within, say, 10 feet of it"
"uhh"
"ya know, like, maybe some sort a huge gadget arm I can buy?"
"maybe scoop it up with some newspaper and throw it away"
"Where do I find 10 foot long newspaper? What if I try tto, like, sweep it outside?"
"It might explode"
"wait. mice can do that?"
"yeah, if the cats have been playing with it, it may be all bloated and it may explode"
"Thanks for making me feel better about gettin this thing"
So, finally, I got a cardboard box. a big cardboard box and sorta slid the box around him.
And when I was done? I clapped for myself.
I'm so retarded.
Picture it.
Monday. 1:44am. Your heroine suddenly awakes to what sounds like a horrid "screeeech".
Then. Silence. Maybe it was a dream.
And you hear the cat digging through those bags you had by the front door.
And then again: "SCREEEEEEEEECH"
And you SCREAM. LIKE A GIRL. LIKE A GIRL WHO'S AWAKE AT 1:44 IN THE MORNING BECAUSE THERE IS SOME RODENT IN THE HOUSE.
That's right.
It's dark
And things are being tortured in your house.
You do the only thing you can think of.
You call your ex husband because FUCK, YA'LL! There is a fucking RODENT in the house.
"Hey, this is going to seem like a completely insane question and I know you're going to think I'm dumb but I think there is a mouse in the house and how do I get it?"
"Uhh...Dewey"
"Yeah, Uh...I think he got it already"
(sounds of dog barking)
"Is Truck barking at it?"
"I don't know what's going on. I don't know if he's barking at it or at dewey or what"
(turns on flashlight)
"oh fuck, Dewey has it in its mouth" (trust me, going from sitting in the dark on the phone, just thinking of some mouse in your house to actually seeing your cat with a sizeable creature in its mouth is really really disturbing)
"maybe get dewey to take it outside"
(Cat drops the mouse, causing both the mouse and dewey's owner to scream)
"Fuck this, Jim. I'm going upstairs, closing the door, and I'll deal with this in the morning".
Yes. Avoidance. That is what I am good at.
So I left my 3 killing machines downstairs and took the dog upstairs to my bedroom and shut the door behind me. At least that way the cat wouldn't be able to bring a half dead mouse onto my bed.
I woke at 9am and slowly tiptoed downstairs.
Every step I took, I made sure to survey the area for dead animals or, worse, live ones that were not supposed to be there.
And as I started down the second half of my staircase, there I saw the dead...mouse? rat? how do you know which is which? lying in the middle of my living room.
I called the ex again.
"So, yeah, dewey killed it"
"Thats my boy!"
"yeah, great. So, what do I do"
"You throw it out"
"yeah, but how do I do that without, ya know, coming within, say, 10 feet of it"
"uhh"
"ya know, like, maybe some sort a huge gadget arm I can buy?"
"maybe scoop it up with some newspaper and throw it away"
"Where do I find 10 foot long newspaper? What if I try tto, like, sweep it outside?"
"It might explode"
"wait. mice can do that?"
"yeah, if the cats have been playing with it, it may be all bloated and it may explode"
"Thanks for making me feel better about gettin this thing"
So, finally, I got a cardboard box. a big cardboard box and sorta slid the box around him.
And when I was done? I clapped for myself.
I'm so retarded.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Yeah, I'm THAT Neighbor
Brakes? Workin
Wallet? A little lighter
Mood? Cautiously optimistic
In other news, I think there was some sort of fire on my street very early this morning (around 3). I woke to my dog barking his head off and saw the reflection of flashing lights on my wall.
"Oh fuck. what now" was my first reaction.
And outside were no less than 3 fire trucks and 2 police cars. I did not see an ambulance so I didn't think anyone had like been shot or something.
If i wasn't so lazy I would have put on clothes and gone outside to see, thus confirming my position as the nosey neighbor.
I went out this morning to walk the dog and the only thing I CAN see is what appears to be a burned top floor room.
There's nothing on the news about it.
Damnit. I missed my chance to get the scoop
Brakes? Workin
Wallet? A little lighter
Mood? Cautiously optimistic
In other news, I think there was some sort of fire on my street very early this morning (around 3). I woke to my dog barking his head off and saw the reflection of flashing lights on my wall.
"Oh fuck. what now" was my first reaction.
And outside were no less than 3 fire trucks and 2 police cars. I did not see an ambulance so I didn't think anyone had like been shot or something.
If i wasn't so lazy I would have put on clothes and gone outside to see, thus confirming my position as the nosey neighbor.
I went out this morning to walk the dog and the only thing I CAN see is what appears to be a burned top floor room.
There's nothing on the news about it.
Damnit. I missed my chance to get the scoop
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Whoa, Nelly!
It's bad when a mechanic says "I'm surprised you had any brakes at all"
Apparently I need a master cylinder, new pads, rotors, my lines were rusted so yeah, that, and a new hamster and 3 bags of rubber bands to make it all work. And they had to fly in a wizard to say some magic spell.
And this all costs 82 thousand dollars.
Or something.
I wasn't really paying attention.
So, good news is my dad can barter the guy for the labor. Which means we had to pay parts which came to about 250.
So I did what any girl with a dad who owes her nearly 7k would do. I told him 'I know you have a couple hundred in your wallet right now. Go ahead and pay that to him and I'll take it off the money you owe me kthx."
It's bad when a mechanic says "I'm surprised you had any brakes at all"
Apparently I need a master cylinder, new pads, rotors, my lines were rusted so yeah, that, and a new hamster and 3 bags of rubber bands to make it all work. And they had to fly in a wizard to say some magic spell.
And this all costs 82 thousand dollars.
Or something.
I wasn't really paying attention.
So, good news is my dad can barter the guy for the labor. Which means we had to pay parts which came to about 250.
So I did what any girl with a dad who owes her nearly 7k would do. I told him 'I know you have a couple hundred in your wallet right now. Go ahead and pay that to him and I'll take it off the money you owe me kthx."
Sunday, December 11, 2005
This week in pictures
Welcome to BlueValentine's week in pictures.
Wednesday night, I went to Hole in the Wall with my buddy John, home of the most random and most dated bathroom graffiti known to man.
yes. a Larry "Bud" Melman shout out. Look out, 1986. I'm comin' atcha!
So, after a beer or two, I drove home to my igloo house.
The needle would not go any further. And notice my very hopeful setting of 76 degrees. Yeah. It's kinda sad to me too.
So, you might be wondering "How would I look in a house with no electricity in the middle of winter?"
I recon it would be something like :
This is also how I slept. I'm sure any sexual fantasies you've ever had of me are completely gone at this point. I'm also really sorry that I look like an outtake from The Blair Witch Project
So, enough of that.
Last night we went out to score some free mexican food from a friend of ours who is a waiter. Free mexican food = free drinks. free drinks = my drunkeness. my drunkeness = some dreams that make no sense.
Last night I had a dream that a plane crashed, nose first, into my high school. A high school I was attending. Also attending said high school were 2 friends, no less than 2 of my ex boyfriends and a girl who's kid I used to babysit when I first got here. So I guess this highschool was sorta like West Beverly in the sense that it was attended only by people in their late 20's - mid 30's.
And after the plane crashed we were all moved to the auditorium where comedian Richard Jeni was performing for us. Because, apparently, having a plane crash into our school wasn't tragic enough...
Welcome to BlueValentine's week in pictures.
Wednesday night, I went to Hole in the Wall with my buddy John, home of the most random and most dated bathroom graffiti known to man.
yes. a Larry "Bud" Melman shout out. Look out, 1986. I'm comin' atcha!
So, after a beer or two, I drove home to my igloo house.
The needle would not go any further. And notice my very hopeful setting of 76 degrees. Yeah. It's kinda sad to me too.
So, you might be wondering "How would I look in a house with no electricity in the middle of winter?"
I recon it would be something like :
This is also how I slept. I'm sure any sexual fantasies you've ever had of me are completely gone at this point. I'm also really sorry that I look like an outtake from The Blair Witch Project
So, enough of that.
Last night we went out to score some free mexican food from a friend of ours who is a waiter. Free mexican food = free drinks. free drinks = my drunkeness. my drunkeness = some dreams that make no sense.
Last night I had a dream that a plane crashed, nose first, into my high school. A high school I was attending. Also attending said high school were 2 friends, no less than 2 of my ex boyfriends and a girl who's kid I used to babysit when I first got here. So I guess this highschool was sorta like West Beverly in the sense that it was attended only by people in their late 20's - mid 30's.
And after the plane crashed we were all moved to the auditorium where comedian Richard Jeni was performing for us. Because, apparently, having a plane crash into our school wasn't tragic enough...
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Rodent skeletons and gay men
First, creepy milk drinkin, bible readin, wacky clothes wearin dude was, indeed, creepy, but obviously not creepy enough to kill me. Thanks dude!
And then I left the coffee shop and stepped on a patch of ice and busted my ass. Fuck you, Ice.
I had thai food with a friend last night. Tom Kha is the idea cold weather food.
I made it home in time to miss all the really bad road conditions.
I was going to start a fire but as I went to open the chimney I remembered that I had heard something like a squirrel or a mouse or el chupacabra in the chimney a few weeks back and I didn't want to deal with creature remains that late at night. I opted to be cold.
I woke around 5, fell asleep again around 7 and up again at 10 to find 3 cats and a dog carefully positioned on me. Not around me but ON me. I may have to deal with creature remains for their sake.
When I could see the water dripping off the roof I figured it would be ok to get out and drive.
Ya'll, I have a new neighbor. a very very good looking new neighbor. He has a black pug. I think my new crush may be gay. Fuck
First, creepy milk drinkin, bible readin, wacky clothes wearin dude was, indeed, creepy, but obviously not creepy enough to kill me. Thanks dude!
And then I left the coffee shop and stepped on a patch of ice and busted my ass. Fuck you, Ice.
I had thai food with a friend last night. Tom Kha is the idea cold weather food.
I made it home in time to miss all the really bad road conditions.
I was going to start a fire but as I went to open the chimney I remembered that I had heard something like a squirrel or a mouse or el chupacabra in the chimney a few weeks back and I didn't want to deal with creature remains that late at night. I opted to be cold.
I woke around 5, fell asleep again around 7 and up again at 10 to find 3 cats and a dog carefully positioned on me. Not around me but ON me. I may have to deal with creature remains for their sake.
When I could see the water dripping off the roof I figured it would be ok to get out and drive.
Ya'll, I have a new neighbor. a very very good looking new neighbor. He has a black pug. I think my new crush may be gay. Fuck
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Hi! It's Cold!
I cant quite decide
There is a guy sitting maybe 5 feet from me, wearing a coat over a jacket with a Sailor Moon thing on the zipper. over jeans, dress shoes and a vest over a tshirt over a long sleeve shirt. He is also wearing orange tinted sunglasses.
If you overlook all this, he's actually kinda hot.
And he had a cowboy hat on and he's reading the bible and he's drinking a half glass of milk.
I'm not sure that he's not going to start killing people in here soon.
But thats not what I can't decide about.
What I can't decide is if I am so hard up that I wouldn't sleep with this guy given the chance.
Winter has fallen upon my little college town. I really should get my drivers side window fixed so that I do not get windburn while I drive. It really doesn't help the facade of sexy woman about town that I am trying to put out there.
Oh god. And now creepy hat bible dude is talkin to me now. Please don't kill me. kthx.
I spent last night working on my bike. I made pink, black and silver streamers for the handles.
I need to paint it once this cold snap goes away.
They set up an ice skating rink on top of whole foods. I havent skated since december of 98 when the Parke Slope Lesbians and I went to Rockefeller Center. We were probably drunk.
They are forcasting sleet and ice tonight and probably tomorrow. It's a good thing that I just remembered yesterday that I own a fireplace.
I cant quite decide
There is a guy sitting maybe 5 feet from me, wearing a coat over a jacket with a Sailor Moon thing on the zipper. over jeans, dress shoes and a vest over a tshirt over a long sleeve shirt. He is also wearing orange tinted sunglasses.
If you overlook all this, he's actually kinda hot.
And he had a cowboy hat on and he's reading the bible and he's drinking a half glass of milk.
I'm not sure that he's not going to start killing people in here soon.
But thats not what I can't decide about.
What I can't decide is if I am so hard up that I wouldn't sleep with this guy given the chance.
Winter has fallen upon my little college town. I really should get my drivers side window fixed so that I do not get windburn while I drive. It really doesn't help the facade of sexy woman about town that I am trying to put out there.
Oh god. And now creepy hat bible dude is talkin to me now. Please don't kill me. kthx.
I spent last night working on my bike. I made pink, black and silver streamers for the handles.
I need to paint it once this cold snap goes away.
They set up an ice skating rink on top of whole foods. I havent skated since december of 98 when the Parke Slope Lesbians and I went to Rockefeller Center. We were probably drunk.
They are forcasting sleet and ice tonight and probably tomorrow. It's a good thing that I just remembered yesterday that I own a fireplace.
Monday, December 05, 2005
Ireland
talking to a friend has made me nostalgic for Ireland.
That time is this skyscraper of a lifemarker. It's huge.
I barely recognize me then. I have no memory of me before then.
On a lark. I went to see if I could still log in to the email account my then boyfriend had set up for me. Surely he had deleted it by now.
It still works.
And Boomtown Rats' "I don't like Mondays" has just started playing over the speakers here. It's like it's scripted.
My trip to Ireland marks the last time I spoke to my mother, my first physical split from my husband, my first time really feeling like I was on my own and transitioning into my first time really feeling like I could make anything happen. I could make the impossible possible. I was no longer at the mercy of the world. The world was at my mercy.
It's not an easy thing, giving up who you are to be who you want to be.
But I did it. In a country that wasn't home. With people who weren't family. Stranger is a strange land.
My transition wasn't a complete success at first. I still had a good year of work to do. My money ran out, I decided to give it a second go with my husband after his promise that we'd be living in the UK within a year. He didn't really mean that and I really didn't mean I wanted to give it another go. I guess it all balanced out.
And I'm deleteing mail as I tell you all this story and after not using the address for nearly 2 years, I see an email from someone I havent talked to in ages. A boy I loved more than life itself.
And here I thought I was just logging on to read some old messages that should mean little to me.
But why. Why am I all of a sudden interested in rereading what is ancient history? It doesn't even seem like real events at this point.
talking to a friend has made me nostalgic for Ireland.
That time is this skyscraper of a lifemarker. It's huge.
I barely recognize me then. I have no memory of me before then.
On a lark. I went to see if I could still log in to the email account my then boyfriend had set up for me. Surely he had deleted it by now.
It still works.
And Boomtown Rats' "I don't like Mondays" has just started playing over the speakers here. It's like it's scripted.
My trip to Ireland marks the last time I spoke to my mother, my first physical split from my husband, my first time really feeling like I was on my own and transitioning into my first time really feeling like I could make anything happen. I could make the impossible possible. I was no longer at the mercy of the world. The world was at my mercy.
It's not an easy thing, giving up who you are to be who you want to be.
But I did it. In a country that wasn't home. With people who weren't family. Stranger is a strange land.
My transition wasn't a complete success at first. I still had a good year of work to do. My money ran out, I decided to give it a second go with my husband after his promise that we'd be living in the UK within a year. He didn't really mean that and I really didn't mean I wanted to give it another go. I guess it all balanced out.
And I'm deleteing mail as I tell you all this story and after not using the address for nearly 2 years, I see an email from someone I havent talked to in ages. A boy I loved more than life itself.
And here I thought I was just logging on to read some old messages that should mean little to me.
But why. Why am I all of a sudden interested in rereading what is ancient history? It doesn't even seem like real events at this point.